Aapa

“Rin Sabun!” my cousin calls out

To my aapa playfully

And I smile swimming in the layers of this name

In the ocean of sweat and tears

He has lost for the family

Navigating my life through the web of his wrinkles

That he traded

Not for his own happiness

But for the happiness of his daughters

And all the miseries he washed away for us

Thinking back, Rin Sabun is such an apt name.

What else can a teen daughter do right now

Than be grateful and contemplate

Over his sacrifice

Over his heart that rages with love

Over his hair that brushed the unfairness of this world

Uprooting me from a rural place

Letting me bloom in a galaxy of opportunities

While he dwells in the ‘dust’ and the ‘fields’ himself

Or near the monotonous sound of his ‘sewing machine’.

There can be no better example of determination and sacrifice for me

Than the sacrifice of my parents

Symbolized by their beautiful wrinkles

By their eyes overloaded with tears of love, sadness and pride

At the time of my farewell to my rural roots

By old clothes that have known the test of every season

Spreading an aroma of warmth and belonging

How pure! How simple! How hardworking!

And what a challenge for me to condense their sacrifice

Into neat lines of words and exclamations!

Hidden into the creases of whose layers

Is my overflowing cup of love, gratitude and respect for them.

Aapa likes to keep a simple equation with life

For he believes

Hiding opinions in the heart leads to strife

Unafraid of judgement, he lets it out

His emotions, his vulnerabilities, his concerns

Strong enough to defeat the toughest battles of life

An emotional human being

Who has a strong sense of self

Who feels guilty after giving his daughters a good-deserved scolding

Who frantically searches for aama after coming back home

Who wept when aache got shadowed with a serious illness

Who wept when he had to leave a ten-year old me

In an unfamiliar place in 2010

Nine years fast-forward but

The smell of care and concern

Not even distance or time can defeat it

For I can feel this aroma entering my nose through the phone

And rejuvenating me

Turning the spark within me into

A wildfire of love, passion and promises

While I dwell here blanketed by a kind of comfort

Very far away from home.